Empty Nest vs. Free Bird

By Hightower Westchester on August 1, 2023

In a few weeks my wife and I will enter a new phase of our lives when our younger daughter leaves for college. We will now officially be empty nesters. When I started thinking about that, it gave me pause. Where did the time go? It was about 21 years ago that we welcomed our first daughter, and then 2 years later, we welcomed #2. Everyone always says time flies, but you don’t realize just how quickly it does.

The phrase “empty nest” sounds sad, as though you have been abandoned and are now alone. I recently heard a far better term that I’ve decided to adopt: Free Bird. I know most of you now have the iconic Lynyrd Skynyrd song stuck in your head, and all I can say is you’re welcome.

Before we had children, my wife and I could be spontaneous, going out to dinner, seeing a show, or even a few quick days away. We could just lock the house up and leave.

Once you have kids, as much as you say that’s not going to change, it does, as you place the needs of your children ahead of your own. You are now on call 24/7. And you also have to start planning for the lives of others – not just their health, which is most important, but their education and savings for their future. We opened 529 accounts for both of our daughters shortly after they were born and saved regularly to soften the blow of college costs. I can happily report that it worked. While we may not be 100% saved, we aren’t far off, and knowing that takes off a lot of pressure.

And now we have more adult conversations with our daughters, hoping to impart some wisdom that will benefit them as they enter new stages of their lives. Things like signing a lease, as my older daughter has now done. I was very happy when she asked me to review it and laughed pretty hard at the “beer pong” clause in her lease, which states they are only allowed to play in the basement.

And when my older daughter started working in college and received her first W2, we set up a ROTH IRA for her so she could begin saving for her future. And we will do the same for our younger daughter once she has some earned income. It’s never too early to start planning. Teaching the virtues of living within your means and saving will serve them well as they start the “adulting” phase of their lives.

As my older daughter starts her last year of college and my younger daughter starts her first, they both will face different challenges as they try to “figure it out.” We told them both to try new things and not be afraid to fail. And try not to stress too much about the next stages.

Back to my wife and I, we will figure out the next stage, just as we figured out the previous ones; the newlywed phase, the young children phase, the older children phase, and now the free bird phase. Each one had its own set of challenges, and joys, and times we both would like to forget. But mostly fun times that shaped us and our family. We hope we have helped prepare our children for the world today and have told them, repeatedly, that we are always there for them, and they will always have a home with us.

We will go back and embrace some hobbies that have been dormant, start some new ones, and just find ways to enjoy our “free” time together. Neither of us is retiring any time soon; that will be for a blog many years down the road.

Just as we have taken the last 25 years one day at a time, so too will we take the next many days. We already have our first trip planned for a few days at the beach right after Labor Day. It will be nice to not have to limit our travel to school vacation schedules, something I think we forgot about for the last 20 years. We might miss our girls not being with us, but we won’t miss the crowds.

For I must be traveling on now

‘Cause there’s too many places I’ve got to see…

‘Cause I’m as free as a bird now”

-Allen Collins / Ronnie Van Zant¹

Peter Lang – Managing Director, Partner – Hightower Westchester

914-825-8631 – plang@hightoweradvisors.com

^{1 https://www.songfacts.com/lyrics/lynyrd-skynyrd/free-bird}